Best Leave Applications(Murdering English Language)
Application by an Ajanta Pharma Employee:
“Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave”
Manish Pharma, Mumbai: From an Employee who was performing the “mundan” ceremony of his 10 year son:,
“As I want to shave my son’s head, please leave me for two days”
Leave letter from a Catchet Pharma employee who is performing his daughter’s wedding:
“As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week’s leave”
From Indoco Pharma Administration Dept:
“As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only responsible for it please grant me 10 days leave”
Laloo Prasad was given some Basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets with President Bill Clinton.
The instructor told Laloo, "Laloo ji, when you shake hand with President Clinton, please say how are you .
Then Mr. Clinton should say, "I am fine, and you?" Now you should say me too.
Afterwards we, translators, will do all the work for you."
It looks quite simple, but the truth is ....
When Laloo Prasad met Clinton, he mistakenly said, "Who Are you?".
Mr. Clinton was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor: "Well, I am Hilary`s husband, ha ha...”
Then Mori replied confidently, "Me too, ha ha ha."
Then there was a long silent moment in the meeting room.
A tea party in honour of freedom fighters was in progress at Giani Zail Singh’s house. Two other former Presidents, Neelam Sanjiva Reddy and R. Venkataraman were also present. Suddenly a group of terrorists took over the party.
They lined up all the three former Presidents for execution.
As the firing squad got ready, Sanjiva Reddy yelled, "Earthquake!" and escaped in a commotion that followed.
The executioners got ready again, and as they took aim, Venkataraman shouted, "Flood!" and he too escaped in the confusion.
As the firing squad lined for the third time, Zail Singh decided to try the same idea and yelled, "Fire !!!!!"
Santa and Jeeto were preparing wedding cards for their son at the printers.
Jeeto was not very good at English so she asked the printer to help her. After the printer had presented her with a draft, she quickly pointed out that the "RSVP " was missing.
The printer was surprised by Jeeto's knowledge and asked her if she knew what it meant.
Jeeto started to think and after much thought he replied, "Vait! I remember! I remember! RSVP!! It means "Remember, Send Vedding Present!"
Made in India
At a World Conference, the heads of States of all countries were boasting about their technical know-how.
So they all decided that to prove their boasts, each country should show an engineering feat to the world.
In a few days, the U.S.A made a hollow tube of fiberglass, a millimeter in diameter. It was then sent to Russia.
They put a conducting wire in the tube. The Japanese, to prove their superiority, bored a hole through the wire.
Finally, it was sent to India. It came back without any apparent change. "Well, what have you done?" asked everybody.
"Look here," said the Indian, putting the wire under a microscope. Clearly visible were the words "Made in India."
When God created the world, he could not help boasting to Brahma of the special favours he had bestowed on India. "I gave it the highest mountains and the broadest rivers in the world; I gave it coal, gold and diamond mines. I gave it the best of everything."
"Was it fair to give one country so much wealth ?" asked Brahma.
"You should see the kind of people I put in India. They will waste everything I gave them."
This happened to an American visitor in Madras. In his hotel room he picked up the telephone one night and asked for a 7-up. The switchboard operator answered in his best English, "7-up? Yes, sir."
The cold drink never arrived, but the next morning the tourist was woken up punctually at seven o clock.
A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is different hell for each country and decides he'll pick the least painful to spend his eternity.
He goes to American hell and asks, "What do they do here?"
He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the American devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day".
The man does not like the sound of that at all so he moves on. He checks out the Australian hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all similar to the American hell.
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"
He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour, then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. The Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
But that is exactly the same as all the other hells why are there so many people waiting to get in?" asked the man.
"Because there is never any electricity so the electric chair does not work. The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed is comfortable to sleep on. And the Indian devil used to be a civil servant, so he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home for private business."
Terrible english by a Teacher:
1) There is no wind in the football..
2) I talk, he talk, why you middle talk?.
3) You rotate the ground 4 times..
4) You go and understand the tree..
5) I'll give you clap on ur cheeks..
6) Bring your parents and your mother and especially your father.
7) Close the window airforce is coming.
8) I have two daughters and both are girls..
9) Stand in a straight circle..
10) Don't stand in front of my back
11) Why Haircut not cut..?
12) Don't make noise.. principle is rotating in the corridor
13) Why are you looking at the monkey outside the window when I’m here?
14) You talking bad habit
15) Give me a red pen of any colour.
16) Can i have some snow in my cold drink?
17) Pick the paper and fall into the dustbin.
18) Both of u stand together seperately.
19) Keep quiet the principal just passed away!!